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'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
A VARIETY OF VERSIONS
Author:
Clement Clarke Moore
The Night Before Christmas
or A Visit from St. Nicholas
by Clement Clarke Moore
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
These children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER!
now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID!
on, DONDER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL,
AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
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Author(s): Unknown to Me
'Twas the Night before Christmas
(at the Animal Shelter)
'Tis the night before Christmas and all through the town,
Every shelter is full. We are lost but not found.
Our numbers are hung on our kennels so bare,
We hope every minute that someone will care.
They'll come to adopt us and give us the call,
"Come here, Max and Sparkie ~ come fetch your new ball!"
But now we just sit here and think of the days.....
We were treated so fondly ~ we had baby ways.
Once we were little, then we grew and we grew ~
Now we're no longer young, and we're no longer new.
So out the back door we were thrown like trash,
They reacted so quickly ~ why were they so rash?
We "jump on the children," "don't come when they call",
We "bark when they leave us," "climb over the wall."
We should have been neutered, we should have been spayed,
Wow we suffer the consequence of the error they made.
If only they'd trained us, if only we knew...
We'd have done what they asked us and worshipped them, too.
We were left in back yard, or worse ~ left to roam...
Now we're tired and lonely and out of a home.
They dropped us off here and they kissed us good-by....
"Maybe someone else will give you a try."
So now here we are, all confused and alone....
In a shelter with others who long for a home.
The kind workers come through with a meal and a pat,
With so many to care for, they can't stay to chat.
They move to the next kennel, giving each of us cheer....
We know that they wonder how long we'll be here.
We lay down to sleep and sweet dreams fill our heads....
Of a home filled with love and our own cozy beds.
Then we wake to see sad eyes, brimming with tears ~
Our friends filled with emptiness, worry and fear.
If you can't adopt us and there's no room at your inn ~
Could you help with the bills and fill our food bin?
We count on your kindness each day of the year ~
Can you give more than hope to everyone here?
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Author(s): Unknown to Me
'Twas the Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas (a night tres Divine).
Not a creature was praying, yet we all felt just fine.
Our Bibles were strewn on the shelves without care.
For who would believe He would ever look there?
The children were dressed, poised to crawl into bed,
Not one of them knelt, or bowed a small head.
Mom in her rocker, with babe on her lap,
Was watching the Late Show. I was taking my nap.
Then out of the East there arose a great clatter.
I sprang to my feet. What could be the matter?
Away to the window I dashed like a dart.
I tore open the curtains. I grasped at my heart!
For what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But angels proclaiming that Jesus was here!
With a light like the sun sending forth a bright ray,
I knew in a moment this must be THE DAY!
The light of His face made me cover my head.
It was Jesus! Returning! Just like He had said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him. In spite of myself.
In the Book of Life which He held in His hand,
Was written the name of every saved man.
He spoke not a word as He searched for my name;
When He said, "It's not here", my head hung in shame.
The people whose names had been written with love,
He gathered to take to His Father above.
With those who were ready he rose sans a sound,
While all of the rest were left standing 'round.
I fell to my knees, but it was too late;
I had waited too long and had thus sealed my fate.
I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight;
Oh, if only I had been ready tonight.
In the words of this poem the meaning is clear:
The coming of Jesus is, indeed, drawing near.
There's one life that we live and when comes that last call,
We'll find that the Bible holds TRUTH after all!
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Author: Harvey Ehrlich
POLITICALLY CORRECT SANTA
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football ... someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and
should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere ... even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth ...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
Notice: This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact. All follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc. should be made to mduhan@husc.harvard.edu
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Author(s): Unknown to Me
Christmas Eve In Florida
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town,
No noses were frozen, no snow fluttered down,
No children in flannels were tucked into bed
(They all wore their shorty pajamas instead).
To find wreaths of holly, t'was not very hard,
For holly trees grew in every back yard.
In front of the houses, Dads and Moms were engrossed
Adorning their palm trees (they enjoyed this chore most).
The children were sleeping, and dreaming in glee
(Most hoped to find water skis under their tree).
They all knew that Santa was well on his way
(He'd ride in on a JetSki instead of a sleigh).
Soon he arrived and he started his work
(He hadn't a second to linger or shirk).
He whizzed up the highways and zoomed up the roads,
In a S-L 300, delivering his loads.
The tropical moon gave the city a glow,
And lighted the way for old Santa below.
As he jumped from his auto he gave a wee chuckle
(He was dressed in Bermudas with an Ivy League buckle).
The absence of chimneys caused Santa no gloom.
(The concession he made? The Florida room!)
He stopped at each house, staying only a minute,
As he emptied his sack of stuff that was in it.
Before he departed, he treated himself
To some tropical juice that he found on the shelf.
He turned with a jerk and bounced to the car,
Reminded that he still had to go very far.
He shifted the gears and stepped on the gas
And up Highway 436 he went like a flash.
I heard him exclaim as he went on his way,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL, I WISH I COULD STAY!"
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Author(s): Unknown to Me
'Twas The Night Before Finals
'Twas the night before finals, And all through the college,
The students were praying for last-minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns, a few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor would loosen their thinking.
In my own room, I had been pacing,
And dreading exams I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless, His nose in his book,
And my comments to him Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring That my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes, But my thoughts were all muddy;
My eyes went ablur, And I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver,
But each place I called Refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded That life was too cruel,
With futures depending On grades earned in school.
When all of a sudden Our door opened wide
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off Ambled inside.
His spirit was careless, His manner was mellow,
But summoning effort He started to bellow:
"What kind of student would make such a fuss
To toss back at teachers What they toss at us?
On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, And Last-Minute Crams!"
His message delivered, He vanished from sight,
But we heard him laughing Outside in the night:
"Your teachers have pegged you, So just do our best ...
HAPPY FINALS TO ALL,
AND TO ALL: A GOOD TEST!"
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'Twas the night before finals, and all through the lab
Not a student was sleeping, not even McNabb.
Their projects were finished, completed with care
In hopes that the grades would be easy (and fair).
The students were wired with caffeine in their veins
While visions of quals nearly drove them insane.
With piles of books and a brand new highlighter,
I had just settled down for another all nighter ---
When out from our gateways arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter;
Away to the console I flew like a flash,
And logged in as root to fend off a crash.
The windows displayed on my brand new Sun-3,
Gave oodles of info --- some in 3-D.
When, what to my burning red eyes should appear
But dozens of "nobody" jobs. Oh dear!
With a blitzkrieg invasion, so virulent and firm,
I knew in a moment, it was Morris's Worm!
More rapid than eagles his processes came,
And they forked and exec'ed and they copied by name:
"Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!
To the sites in .rhosts and host.equiv
Now, dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the phone,
The complaints of the users. (Thought I was alone!)
"The load is too high!" "I can't read my files!"
"I can't send my mail over miles and miles!"
I unplugged the net, and was turning around,
When the worm-ridden system went down with a bound.
I fretted. I frittered. I sweated. I wept.
Then finally I core dumped the worm in /tmp.
It was smart and pervasive, a right jolly old stealth,
And I laughed, when I saw it, in spite of myself.
A look at the dump of that invasive thread
Soon gave me to know we had nothing to dread.
The next day was slow with no network connections,
For we wanted no more of those pesky infections.
But in spite of the news and the noise and the clatter,
Soon all became normal, as if naught were the matter.
Then later that month while all were away,
A virus came calling and then went away.
The system then told us, when we logged in one night:
"Happy Christmas to all! (You guys aren't so bright.)"
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Author(s): Unknown to Me
'Twas the Night Before Rollout
'Twas the night before rollout
And all through the house
Not a computer was working,
Not even a mouse.
The programmers hung by their ties in despair,
With hopes that a miracle soon would be there.
The customers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of progress danced in their heads.
When out of the CODE there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a super programmer (with a six pack of beer).
His resume glowed with experience so rare,
He turned out great code with a bit pusher's flair.
More rapid than eagles, his routines they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On operator NEW! On operator DELETE!
On "for" loops! "do while"! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
From weekends and nights spent in front of a screen.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know, I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code, then turned with a jerk;
And laying his finger upon the "enter" key,
The system came up and worked perfectly.
The functions functioned; the deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries inquired and "for" loops completed.
He tested each whistle, and tested each bell,
With nary a rewrite, thus all had gone well.
The code was checked in, the tests were concluded,
Marketing's last changes were even included.
"Heh!", the customer exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but not what I want!"
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